untitled fire poem

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my poem-a-month newsletter went out last week. since the beginning of the climate fires here on the west coast I’ve been trying to write a poem about the weird light, the gritty air, & the scent of doom. mostly I’ve failed. I sent my latest attempt out in the newsletter. read it here & subscribe to get a poem & a poetic exercise in your inbox each month.

untitled fire poem

I want to write a poem about the fires
about the ash floating in the air
like the scent of summer jasmine.
the smokers teeth sky pressing low—
so much lower than I remember.

I want to write a poem about the burn
pressed into my eyes the rough sleeps
the feeling of fine sand in my throat.
I want to write it but the flames—
are never quite far enough away.

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yellow sky diary

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no filter, shot on iphone. 10 september 2020.

no filter, shot on iphone. 10 september 2020.

the air is dusty but after a moment you reliase it’s not dust, it’s ash.

another blurred yellow morning. I couldn’t sleep because as the sun comes up the smoke gets worse. my throat catches. I rub my eyes.

no one ever said a transformation would be easy, but I wish it wasn’t quite so hard on those of us not insulated from its worse effects. maybe this is a wake up call & the world will be better afterwards.

maybe it will be much much worse.

everything inverted in my tarot spread this morning. an indicator of confusion. everything turned upside-down & opaque. maybe searching for beauty in the middle of all this is the task at hand.

maybe small, shimmering, moments of beauty is all we have.

Reds

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there are several “red rock” parks throughout the united states. one of the perhaps lesser known ones is red rock canyon state park in southern california just off state highway 14.

bisected by the road, the park is easy to find & provides gorgeous views from even a passing car window. located at the southern most tip of the sierra nevada mountains where they meet with the el paso range, driving through you can clearly see as the desert topography changes around you.

the distinctive red rocks once served as landmarks for passing mule freight teams in the 1870’s & the park land now protects several significant paleontology sites, as well as the remains of late 19th century mining operations.

I left los angeles at 4 am to catch the sunrise over these picturesque natural scupltures. the dawn light made the desert look like a painting. the only word that comes to mind to describe it is “majestic”. it was absolutely gorgeous.

fossils

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inside one of the circular erosions.

spent an early morning last week climbing around fossil falls off highway 395 in the california desert. I left los angeles at 4 am to beat the heatwave temperatures, but it was still 90+ degrees when I arrived at around 6:30 in the morning.

fossil falls is a fascinating geological feature that contains neither fossils nor waterfalls! tens of thousands of years ago water runoff from nearby glaciers made its way through the valleys of the high desert. there they met with some obstruction from volcanoes! the running water carved volcanic rock into the spectacular tumble that is now fossil falls. the basalt shapes are almost alien looking & feature perfectly circular erosions called potholes where rushing water drove sediment into the rock via rotating eddies.

you might also recognize fossil falls from a short film I shot there a few years ago, finite.

with the fishes

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pen + fisheye.jpg

have been wandering around with the meike 6.5mm f/2.0 fisheye lens & experimenting with its funky possibilities. long ago I had a toy 35mm film fisheye camera & always enjoyed the cool perspective of these ultra wide aesthetic lenses. now that I’ve got my hands on a closeout olympus pen epl8 with a micro four thirds mount I was excited to try out a true fisheye as opposed to the free app I have on my phone.

this is such a fun lens! an absolutely giant frame, with the coolest round image & dark vignetting. so much fun for a neighbourhood stroll & putting a new spin on images. the meike is an inexpensive lens that has a much fancier build quality than I expected. this is a solid little guy, made of metal instead of the typical plastic for this price point. I grabbed it with a bundle of free accessories at adorama. between this gem & the slr magic toy lens my olympus pen is becoming a super fun experimental camera.

alphabet soup

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complete sentence, 2020

w i t c h, 2020

 

spent some time recently playing with a small LED light & my 35mm prime lens. I’ve had this lens for about a year, but haven’t had much chance to shoot with it. I’ve seen many cool images on instagram featuring this alphabet sequin/confetti look & thought I’d try out my own take. one thing I’ll say for sure: adding more intentional lighting makes a HUGE difference in the look & quality of the final image! this is something that all the photo blogs & youtubers say all the time, but it’s remarkable to see it in action. can’t wait to play more with lights!

check out more images from this series on my instagram or in the self-portraits gallery.

happy accidents

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I went for a wander around one of my favourite places in claifornia—salton sea—a week or so ago. I have been experimenting with a wide angle lens (nikkor 10-24mm f3.5/4.5) with some interesting results. this day I unknowingly left the multiple exposure setting activated & ended up with a few cool double exposed images of the the sea & its surrounding area. love it when accidents help us find something interesting!

hiking with the devil

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the devil’s punchbowl natural area is an LA county park in the transitional zone between the san gabriel mountains & the mojave desert. it surrounds a punchbowl formation, where a millennia of shifts in the plates of the earth along the punchbowl fault have forced a sandstone syncline—where the edges of the earth have been folded upward while the center dropped.

the punchbowl fault connects with the famed san andreas fault only a short distance northward.

the devil’s chair is aptly named!

within the natural area is the devil’s chair, a narrow outcropping of rocks providing panoramic views of the surrounding geology. while the chair & the path immediately to it are lined with a rough metal fence the height, wind, & narrow width had me a bit nervous. the trail itself is frequently about a foot wide & barely cut into the side of the mountain. man-made railings are sporadic & in various states of disrepair. the view is well worth the trek, even though I only sat in the devil’s chair for a few minutes!

my way of reminding myself what I’m taking a photo of.


from several vista points along the trail you can clearly see the line of rock marking faultline activity. after climbing the devil’s chair route, I took the much shorter loop trail down into the canyon to see the sandstone rock formations close up. a stark visible reminder that our planet is always shifting.

the devil’s chair hike is about 7.5 miles out & back, mostly moderate with a couple of steep sections at the beginning & end. limited shade & portions which are not for the faint of heart.

the loop trail is a steep 1 mile circut from the punchbowl natural area’s parking lot down into the canyon where the sandrock creek winds between the stones.

parking is free, but limited.

park’s website.

toys

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after more than 80 years in the business, olympus announced in late june that they would be stopping production on their camera products. once a major player in the camera world, olympus has recorded record losses for the past few years, due in large part to the smartphone’s hold on the point & shoot camera market. I’d only briefly tried olympus 35mm film cameras in the past, but was interested to see their digital mirrorless offerings & found a pen e-pl8 on closeout sale for a steal. combined with the slr magic toy lens this little dude becomes a cool analog camera dupe. I’m loving the random colour & focus oddities which the lens creates. the pen’s small size makes it a great wandering around camera & I’m glad I grabbed one before they’re gone.

hollywood wandering with the olympus e-pl8 & slr magic toy lens.

pandemic days

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we’re about to enter month five on stay at home guidelines here in california. as a freelancer who worked mostly from home before, my days haven’t changed too drastically, I just don’t have the workload I once did. thought I’d make a little video about how I’m spending my time at home.

american poem

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this month’s poem-a-month newsletter was a bit late due to technical difficulties, but has gone out now. have been thinking about the stories we tell ourselves in order to protect us from having to face tough realities, especially the realities of having intersecting types of privilege in america.

morning in america

& another layer of ash
has settled over the streets
whispering to us as dawn
claws her way up.

we nod awake, arms tired
from putting ourselves out front
our houses silent but the memory
of fire lingers in our lungs.

still the ash keeps falling,
lace-like on our eyelashes
crystals for us to brush—
we never care to learn
where the burning is from.

a reading list

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I realise there are so many different reading lists circling around the internet. but since I firmly believe in the power of books & the power of the people to educate themselves when they are determined to expend the effort to do so, I thought I would share a list of some books that have been useful for me.

I recommend buying your books from a small, black-owned bookstore. my choice is eso won books here in LA. their website: esowonbookstore.com

MY LIST:

stamped from the beginning by ibram x. kendi
so you want to talk about race by ijeoma oluo
why I’m no longer talking to white people about race by reni eddo-lodge
how to be an antiracist by ibram x. kendi

magical negro by morgan parker
homie by danez smith
open city by teju cole
they can’t kill us until they kill us hanif abdurraqib
there are more beautiful things than beyonce by morgan parker
homie by danez smith
beloved by toni morrison
sula by toni morrison
ain’t I a woman by bell hooks
citizen by claudia rankine

I also recommend some investigation into buddhist philosophy to work on getting comfortable with uncomfortableness. I start with the following:
fear by thich nhat hanh
comfortable with uncertainty by pema chodorn.

I hope this list is a useful beginning for people seeking to educate themselves.

what I wish they wrote about protests

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thousands of protestors take a knee in the street near beverly center. los angeles 30 may 2020.

thousands of protestors take a knee in the street near beverly center. los angeles 30 may 2020.

I wish when they reported about protests they reported on the people with first aid kits in their backpacks. I wish they reported about the teenagers snaking through the crowd offering water & snacks. I wish they reported about the two young white women sharing their bottle of sunscreen with two young black women they'd just met. I wish they reported on the people spraying hand sanitizer on the palms of all who stretched their arms out as they passed. I wish they reported on the five black teenagers who chased away a young white man who tried to set a dumpster on fire. I wish they reported on the young black man begging us to tell everyone we know that they didn't start this shit. I wish they reported on people helping to direct traffic away from police. I wish they reported on how the crowd parted & cheered for an ambulance that needed to get through. I wish they reported about how the march paused at a senior care facility to applaud the workers who had gathered at the doorway, thanking them. I wish they reported about how over a thousand people took a silent knee in the middle of the street. I wish they reported about the bus driver who stepped out of her bus as it was being vandalized & thanked protesters for being out in the streets. I wish they reported about the parents with their children. I wish they reported on people handing out masks to help keep others safe. I wish they reported on the drum line. I wish they reported on the singing.

lilith marries herself

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lilith was adam’s first wife. made by god from the same clay, she was his equal. when she refused to be subordinate to him she was banished from eden.

she then transformed into a demon. some stories call her the mother of demons. some cast her as a cannibal who devours children. there is no one more feared than a woman who chooses herself.

“out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
& I eat men like air.”
-sylvia plath, lady lazarus

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hollywoodland

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originally built in 1923 as an advertisement for the segregated “hollywoodland” real estate development in the surrounding hills, the sign was eventally left up due to popular demand & is now a los angeles historic cultural monument. the original sign was studded with thousands of lightbulbls, which flashed “holly” “wood” “land” on repeat. it wasn’t until 1948, when the hollywood chamber of commerce contracted with the city of los angeles parks department to maintain the sign, that the “land” section was removed to reflect the entire surrounding neighbourhood & not just the housing development.

DSC_4489.jpg

in 1978 the formerly wood sign was rebuilt from steel after spending decades in disrepair. the campaign to restore the sign was led by playboy magazine founder hugh hefner, who donated money to the cause. the new sign was unveiled as part of a cbs television special commemorating the 75th anniversary of the incorporation of the city of hollywood.

it is now one of the most visited tourist attractions in los angeles.